A Conversation

Having a conversation with yourself is crazy. It's positively berserk. But, in a weird way it makes sense. Because, who you were and who you are, are two completely contrasting ideas. They're intertwined like the symbol of infinity. Because, you wouldn't be who you are, without being who you were. I'm getting dizzy because of all this. My head's spinning. I need to take an Advil. As i fumble to get up, from what seems like a chair stuck to my bottom, I'm thinking about thinking. Why we do it, why we feel the need to think. And why thinking about thinking of thoughts, is such a deep notion, along with it being a hilarious phrase. I get up. Finally, and put one foot on front of the other, only my legs aren't moving. Its like I'm in a dream. And I know I'm dreaming.

Splash.

The water's cold. As i turn the tap to Hot, I look up into the mirror and see this chubby girl with bad hair. She has a huge smile on her face, and this glint in her eyes that tells me she's happy. I think to myself, "I used to look eerily similar." Oddly my reflection isn't moving. A voice, which seems to be coming from a very close proximity, asks, "And how are you today?" This can't be happening! I'm talking to myself. Only its a version, that's few years younger, and she looks so happy. Well, not happy, so to speak, but just innocent. As if all is well in her life, and as if she's naive. But, again, maybe I'm just reading way too much into it. There are some events in your life, that completely change the very fabric of your existence. Only, most of the time you don't know it. The moment passes, and the consequences of that particular event rise to prominence as you introspect your life after it. The way little things change. The way, very few things excite you any more, or make you want to live a full life. I realized two things. One, this was one of those life changing moments for me, I could feel it. I was in the moment, I was talking to my younger self, and it was ridiculous. Two, I didn't want to tell her how my life, and eventually hers, would turn out. It was a cruel notion. And I felt bad. Because she seemed so happy, and as far as I could tell she didn't know who I was. And I didn't want to tell her. "I'm okay, I guess. You?" I smiled, because in this split second I realized not only was talking to myself, but I was literally talking to myself. She went on to tell me the events of her day, and she wouldn't stop talking. She was so playful and lovely..which I wanted her to stay forever..but nothing lasts forever ..and at some point the reality has to struck in and change everything. And so was going to happen with her....