Having a conversation
with yourself is crazy. It's positively berserk. But, in a weird way it
makes sense. Because, who you were and who you are, are two completely
contrasting ideas. They're intertwined like the symbol of
infinity. Because, you wouldn't be who you are, without being who you
were. I'm getting dizzy because of all this. My head's spinning. I need to
take an Advil. As i fumble to get up, from what seems like a chair stuck
to my bottom, I'm thinking about thinking. Why we do it, why we feel the
need to think. And why thinking about thinking of thoughts, is such a deep
notion, along with it being a hilarious phrase. I get up. Finally, and put
one foot on front of the other, only my legs aren't moving. Its like I'm
in a dream. And I know I'm dreaming.
Splash.
The
water's cold. As i turn the tap to Hot, I look up into the mirror and
see this chubby girl with bad hair. She has a huge smile on her face, and
this glint in her eyes that tells me she's happy. I think to myself,
"I used to look eerily similar." Oddly my reflection isn't moving.
A voice, which seems to be coming from a very close proximity, asks,
"And how are you today?" This can't be happening! I'm talking to
myself. Only its a version, that's few years younger, and she looks so
happy. Well, not happy, so to speak, but just innocent. As if all is well
in her life, and as if she's naive. But, again, maybe I'm just reading way
too much into it. There are some events in your life, that completely change
the very fabric of your existence. Only, most of the time you don't know it.
The moment passes, and the consequences of that particular event rise to
prominence as you introspect your life after it. The way little things
change. The way, very few things excite you any more, or make you want to
live a full life. I realized two things. One, this was one of those life
changing moments for me, I could feel it. I was in the moment, I was
talking to my younger self, and it was ridiculous. Two, I didn't want to
tell her how my life, and eventually hers, would turn out. It was a cruel
notion. And I felt bad. Because she seemed so happy, and as far as I could
tell she didn't know who I was. And I didn't want to tell her. "I'm
okay, I guess. You?" I smiled, because in this split second I realized
not only was talking to myself, but I was literally talking to myself. She
went on to tell me the events of her day, and she wouldn't stop talking.
She was so playful and lovely..which I wanted her to stay forever..but nothing
lasts forever ..and at some point the reality has to struck in and change
everything. And so was going to happen with her....
